you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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