First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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