I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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