you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
