Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
