That's intense
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
