just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
