I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
