I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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