where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
