i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
