Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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