I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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