you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
