dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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