UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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