Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I touched a dick in church today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
