If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
