Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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