sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize