Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize