Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
