No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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