he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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