Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize