You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
