My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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