Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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