Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
