Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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