In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
