I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize