I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
