quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
