I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
