He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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