I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
