So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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