dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
