Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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