So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
