Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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