Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
