Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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