You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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