How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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