After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
