He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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