It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
