It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
