I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
