puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
