There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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