I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
