Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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