Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
