just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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