Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
