There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
