I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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